I love weekends where the only thing I have to do is exist. No plans, no work, just doing what I want to do, helps me to feel human again. I kept my meals simple, meat and veggies. Have started relying a LOT on coffee, which is probably not healthy, but hey, no one's perfect.
Sundays are my rest day from the gym. I usually go in for cardio work and then take the day for myself. This Sunday I ran for 15 minutes, biked twelve miles, and then cooled down with a 15 minute jog. I'm a firm believer in active rest days, so then I took the dog on a walk and meandered around outside.
I used Sunday as a refeed day. I don't have much body fat to lose, so my body knows when it's been underfed. I grazed through the day to prep it for Warrior for the week. I didn't go overboard, but I did enjoy some sushi.
On Saturday I attended a cooking seminar called "All About Kale". Kale is one of those superfoods that you either hate or are obsessed with. Personally, I love it. I think it's because I love anything that has been deemed as healthy, but really, it tastes really good, especially covered in coconut oil and bacon. The presenter gave handouts of recipes and I must say that I'm excited for mini kale pizzas in the near future.
Thanksgiving is slowly approaching, and the paleo dessert recipes are flourishing. I can't decide between a pumpkin apple pie, fruit crisps, or fall muffins. I will probably make them all. I love desserts, and I would be lying if I said I didn't indulge time to time. This is why I work out so much. I'm a fat girl stuck in a fit body.
Hope all is well for everyone, and that my posts will get more interesting as lift continues.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Day 11&12, Being a Warrior, and My Story
Day 11 was so uneventful it didn't even warrant a post. I ate my calories from 8am-noon, then fasted until 9 this morning. I read on the Warrior Diet website that fasting gets easier the second or third day. This morning I was barely hungry, and had to coax myself into eating, since I plan on doing a full 24+ hour fast today/tomorrow.
As far as sugar detox goes, it's really hard to stay loyal while trying load on calories, but it works! I have a few spoonfuls of coconut oil (120 calories/TBSP) to fill me up. Loads of turkey, chicken, and squash, and I'm a happy girl. My taste buds don't care for me, but hopefully my body does.
By this point, I hope everyone is sleeping well and feeling better! Over halfway done!! Isn't it great. Hard to believe I have gone without a QuestBar for 12 days. Those things are seriously my gateway drug. Gateway to all other desserts I mean. This sugar detox was mainly to get me off of the desserts, which I have been successful in doing, thank God.
A week or so ago, I threw away my scale. There's a post somewhere about it. I claimed to not care about the numbers, preaching that people feel beautiful in their own skin. I know it's not that easy. I'm a victim of self-hate too.
A lot of people ask me how I stay motivated and how my interest in fitness began. It began because I was fat.I didn't think I was fat, and I didn't care about my weight. I was in college, I ate in the food halls, and enjoyed mounds of ice cream every day. By my sophomore year, I had put on 35 pounds and looked that way. This is me after a year in college of fried food and too much alcohol: 155lbs and roughly 27% body fat.
As far as sugar detox goes, it's really hard to stay loyal while trying load on calories, but it works! I have a few spoonfuls of coconut oil (120 calories/TBSP) to fill me up. Loads of turkey, chicken, and squash, and I'm a happy girl. My taste buds don't care for me, but hopefully my body does.
By this point, I hope everyone is sleeping well and feeling better! Over halfway done!! Isn't it great. Hard to believe I have gone without a QuestBar for 12 days. Those things are seriously my gateway drug. Gateway to all other desserts I mean. This sugar detox was mainly to get me off of the desserts, which I have been successful in doing, thank God.
A week or so ago, I threw away my scale. There's a post somewhere about it. I claimed to not care about the numbers, preaching that people feel beautiful in their own skin. I know it's not that easy. I'm a victim of self-hate too.
A lot of people ask me how I stay motivated and how my interest in fitness began. It began because I was fat.I didn't think I was fat, and I didn't care about my weight. I was in college, I ate in the food halls, and enjoyed mounds of ice cream every day. By my sophomore year, I had put on 35 pounds and looked that way. This is me after a year in college of fried food and too much alcohol: 155lbs and roughly 27% body fat.
This is the picture that made me take a step back and think "What the hell happened?!" I used to be able to do whatever I wanted and paid no price, but here, this picture, was proof that that was no longer the case. I had become everything I never wanted to be. "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." Two days later I signed up for a figure competition. I was either going to get myself in shape by the time the show came, or I would embarrass myself.
I got a trainer, a weight loss stack, and acquired some motivation. Sixteen weeks later I competed. I didn't place, but I certainly didn't look like a fat chick.
I had slimmed down to 126 lbs and 12% body fat. Looking at this picture, I wish I could look like this all of the time, perhaps with larger quads.
After this show, things went downhill. After pre-contest dieting, the road back to normalcy is tricky. It's hard to find peace in the mirror when you're not depleted and your muscles aren't bulging. I wasn't satisfied. I got so afraid that I would turn back into who I had been that I completely stopped eating. I would run for hours on the treadmill, work out until I was so fatigued that I would fall over, and I would wake up in the middle of the night to go to the gym. I had no energy, was in a constant bad mood, and would even skip work so that I could fit in an extra workout. Two years of that led to this.
107 lbs, 5% body fat, and no strength. Lifting a barbell was almost beyond me. I was 23, a size 0, and anorexic. I was on the road to killing myself.
I started seeing a counselor, who set me on a path to gaining weight. Food was evil to me, something that would stick with me, and any bite over what I absolutely needed would sent me skyrocketing into obesity. I was living on <900 calories a day, and burned well over 3000. My counselor and I set up a plan to turn fear and obsession of food, into a loving and nurturing relationship. I have since put back on 30 pounds and have 12% body fat
As I write this, I am in hour four of my 30 hour fast. I have a binge eating disorder, as well as body dysmorphic disorder. The Warrior Diet essentially glorifies binge eating. For four hours, I consume what I want, then abandon eating for at least 16-20 hours.
When I look in the mirror, I am instantly disgusted. I don't know how others see me, but I know that no matter what I do, I will never find peace or perfection in myself. I urge everyone to love themselves. Once the habit of feeling guilty for eating becomes real, once you start doing extra cardio to burn off the calories you took in today, it's time to get help. I am fortunate enough to have family and friends that know of my struggle, and have stuck by me no matter how many pounds I weigh.
I love going to the gym. Lifting weights and moving are my favorite things to do, but there will always be the other side. The side of me that NEEDS to go to the gym, because if I don't, I fear that I will wake up fat, sick, and nearly dead. The side of me that runs the extra four miles because I had too many Kale Chips. The side of me that craves a perfection that doesn't exist.
So please, love yourself. It's much easier that way I'm sure.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Day 10, Making Changes
Good morning/afternoon! I can't believe it's only noon, I feel like so much has happened today. I didn't go to the gym this morning due to other responsibilities, but I will be hitting legs hard promptly after. Also, I am starting crossfit again. I love bodybuilding, getting huge, and throwing things around, but I also love the cardio aspect of crossfit that combines with the strength training. It's a great way to lean out, learn new ways to move the body, and have fun!
This morning's breakfast was also new and exciting. I have decided to start the Warrior method of eating again. I am doing this for one of two or twelve reasons. The first being that the last time I did this and stuck with it, I leaned out like a mother f*****. The second reason is that I really love stuffing my face with food. The Warrior plan is essentially fasting all day, and then slamming all of your calories for 24 hours in an eating window. I'm giving myself a 4 hour window for roughly 2,400 calories. This plan works great for my work schedule because I am always on the move, and if I fast from 12pm to 8 am, then eat from 8am-12 pm, I won't have to worry about eating/cooking/poor choices while working.
After a stressful morning I treated myself to breakfast at a restaurant, scary I know. Keeping it detox friendly with eggs, avocado, and salsa. Hollandaise is one of my favorites, but sadly I had to skip. Have any of you found it hard to stay loyal while dining out? It used to be a huge deal for me, but I know what to look out for now, and most places just want business and will make accommodations.
So, big ass egg plate, some mixed nuts, and an apple later, I am set until 8 tomorrow morning. Happy eating/living fellow detoxers.
This morning's breakfast was also new and exciting. I have decided to start the Warrior method of eating again. I am doing this for one of two or twelve reasons. The first being that the last time I did this and stuck with it, I leaned out like a mother f*****. The second reason is that I really love stuffing my face with food. The Warrior plan is essentially fasting all day, and then slamming all of your calories for 24 hours in an eating window. I'm giving myself a 4 hour window for roughly 2,400 calories. This plan works great for my work schedule because I am always on the move, and if I fast from 12pm to 8 am, then eat from 8am-12 pm, I won't have to worry about eating/cooking/poor choices while working.
After a stressful morning I treated myself to breakfast at a restaurant, scary I know. Keeping it detox friendly with eggs, avocado, and salsa. Hollandaise is one of my favorites, but sadly I had to skip. Have any of you found it hard to stay loyal while dining out? It used to be a huge deal for me, but I know what to look out for now, and most places just want business and will make accommodations.
So, big ass egg plate, some mixed nuts, and an apple later, I am set until 8 tomorrow morning. Happy eating/living fellow detoxers.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Day 9 and my thoughts on "diets"
I logged onto Facebook this morning and most of my friends (who live in Iowa) have something in their status about snow. It's not news to anyone that I hate the cold, snow, and anything that isn't 70 and humid. I scurried to my handy dandy weather app (God bless technology) and found that there is no snow coming my way. This made me instantly happy. There's nothing better than waking up happy. Also, that was me just admitting that when I wake up, the first thing I do is check Facebook.
This morning's workout was amazing. I've decided to drop my pre-workout supplements and take on the all-natural route. There really is no reason behind this, but I know that my body gets accustomed to all of the extra help I give it, and I like to see what my actual genetic potential is from time to time. If you've been living on pre and post workout supplements, try quitting for a few weeks. It might be a huge pain in the ass at first, but if you decide to start back up again, it kicks even better. (Ya'll might know this as cycling)
Shoulders used to be my least favorite thing to lift because they were so weak. They are easily one of the most fun things now. Funny how that works. I do 2-3 sets of 8 reps because I lift heavy on shoulders, every time. It's the only way man, the only way. Also, I pair shoulders with abs and calves, because I spend next to no time on either of those things.
Arnold press
Alternating Dumbbell press
Lateral Raises
Shoulder Press
Rear deltoid raises
Walking dumbbell punches (I think I made those up, but I love them)
Standing calf raise
Calf raises on leg press machine
GHD situps until you throw up (that's really the count)
Breakfast was simple simple: 2 eggs, coconut oil, kale, spinach, and broccoli. Broccoli was really good today so I ate 1/2 a head of it.
Midafternoon will be amazing, because I just finished roasting a buttercup squash. Squash is my favorite thing ever. It's low calorie, but contains some dense carbs, which are perfection for replenishing dreary sore muscles. Butternut, acorn, kabocha, pumpkin, buttercup, spaghetti....it's like Pokemon, gotta have em' all.
The word "diet" implies that you are restricting yourself from something, which has a negative connotation. If you eat something "forbidden" on your diet, it causes feelings of disgust, depression, and all of the other negative words one can feel about themselves. Not okay. Paleo is about feeling better, not...badder?
There are articles everywhere supporting whatever "diet" you think is best. No carbs? Fine, go Atkins. Meat is bad? Vegan. Every diet claims they're the most effective and will be the best for your health. Truth is, each person is different. I hate when articles tell me how many grams of ______ to have per day. I'm going to eat them when I feel like I need them, because I listen to my body, and I hope everyone will begin to listen to theirs.
Granted, I know many people still want numbers, facts, and something written for them that says exactly when/how/what/where? to eat, but you gotta do it for you.
As for me, I'm sticking with my lifestyle, because real food isn't about restriction, it's about opening yourself up to thousands of plants, animals, and ridiculously happy times.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Days 7 and 8. Holding your(my)self Accountable
The last part (holding myself accountable) is something I've struggled with for a long time. It's easy to justify things. It's my birthday, I was good all week, it's gluten free.. the list goes on. While there are many reasons to indulge in something naughty, there are far more reasons to stay on track and reach your goals.
While I was in Ames, I had my mind set that I would not treat myself and I wouldn't have to deal with "guilt" for enjoying a good time. However, I had a few alcoholic drinks (while Paleo, still not allowed on the 21DSD). I didn't overdo it, but I wasn't strong willed enough to stay committed to the detox. I can think of this one of two ways.
One: I am a failure, I can't do this, and I should give up and go eat a cake
Two: I'm human, I make mistakes, and I can come back and finish this
Let's be real, I'm finishing this as loyal as possible. If there's one thing I've learned from battling eating disorders, it's that feeling "guilty" or like a failure will only lead to more failures. Food should never be a reward nor a punishment. Eat because you enjoy it, because your body needs it, and because you want to.
Sunday I took the day off from the gym (it's my usual rest day) and I helped my older brother move boxes for his new house. Active rest, ya know? I decided to stay Sunday night in Ames. The alarm clock was set for a 4:30 am workout, but somehow bed sounded more appealing. After work I will be at the gym with gusto. Rule number 4 in the lifting world: Never miss a Monday. I'd say the other three but I don't remember them.
Did anyone else find themselves struggling over the weekend? I don't claim to be perfect, and I never will. The only thing a person can do is their best, and when you fall (which everyone does) make sure you're not afraid to get back up. The ground is dirty.
While I was in Ames, I had my mind set that I would not treat myself and I wouldn't have to deal with "guilt" for enjoying a good time. However, I had a few alcoholic drinks (while Paleo, still not allowed on the 21DSD). I didn't overdo it, but I wasn't strong willed enough to stay committed to the detox. I can think of this one of two ways.
One: I am a failure, I can't do this, and I should give up and go eat a cake
Two: I'm human, I make mistakes, and I can come back and finish this
Let's be real, I'm finishing this as loyal as possible. If there's one thing I've learned from battling eating disorders, it's that feeling "guilty" or like a failure will only lead to more failures. Food should never be a reward nor a punishment. Eat because you enjoy it, because your body needs it, and because you want to.
Sunday I took the day off from the gym (it's my usual rest day) and I helped my older brother move boxes for his new house. Active rest, ya know? I decided to stay Sunday night in Ames. The alarm clock was set for a 4:30 am workout, but somehow bed sounded more appealing. After work I will be at the gym with gusto. Rule number 4 in the lifting world: Never miss a Monday. I'd say the other three but I don't remember them.
Did anyone else find themselves struggling over the weekend? I don't claim to be perfect, and I never will. The only thing a person can do is their best, and when you fall (which everyone does) make sure you're not afraid to get back up. The ground is dirty.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Day 6! Staying focused on the road
I say on the road, but what I really mean is that I'm spending time in Ames with some friends. It being the weekend, that of course means football, beer, and greasy, cheesy appetizers. Even if my body tolerated cheese I wouldn't eat it, but that's not the point. I've (and you've) been clean for five days, now is the time for willpower. Sure, I want a Cosmo, bottle of wine, and some chips and salsa, but I also want a healthy body. We can't have it all.
I keep myself on track by packing my own food. I'm so used to being "that girl" who always brings her own food, and if you don't have friends that support your new, healthy lifestyle, I'd suggest finding other sources of support. Life changes are so much easier when it hers are there to help. There is a CSA in Ames which I love, because sponsoring local farms is awesome. I stocked up on free range chicken, vegetables, and avocado. I also packed my coconut oil, some raw mixed nuts, and a spaghetti squash. You know you're dedicated when you pack spaghetti squash :P
Anytime Fitness is awesome because they are everywhere! I might be away from my home gym, but that doesn't mean I didn't put my work in. Hopefully everyone else is finding a way to get moving today!
Saturday (Flatterday) as I call it, means that I do two lifts per body part that I love the most. Basically, it's my excuse to do more squats. Three sets to fail of two exercises that you pick. It's fun and simple. After working your ass off all week it's good to take a step back and relax so that you are refreshed for next week's torture. The Anytime Fitness I went to had a spin bike, so at least I got some hard cardio in.
I'm writing this via the Blogger app on my phone, which is why it's short and shitty. If you're in the same boat as I am, surrounded by bars and football, pack yourself some sliced bell peppers, order quacamole, and enjoy your day!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Day 5 and Why Six Packs are Not Functional
It's almost been a week! How's everyone holding up? Hopefully noticing improvement in sleep, less cravings for junk, and an all around feeling of awesomeness! It's Friday, which can be tough for some. The week is over, time to relax, have a few drinks....just say no. You've only got 16 more days to tough it out, and you can do it. Drink some Pelligrino, put some lemon in it, and use your imagination! I will be traveling to Ames, Iowa this weekend where there is all sorts of temptation to do non-21DSD things, but I've got confidence and lunchbox full of almonds and coconut. Carpe Diem.
Today's workout was my second favorite: back day! I'm working on being built like a trapezoid. I've been mindful eating for a while, something like two years, so I know what my body needs and when it needs it. On lifting days where I focus on biceps, triceps, and shoulders, I don't require extra calories or carbohydrates because really, those lifts don't tax me too much. However, on back days and leg days, the only thing I want to do is eat. Mind you, I stop eating when I'm full, but if it's not a perfect two hours from when I last ate, I don't care. Let food be thy medicine, ya know?
For breakfast I had an organic, free range egg with 3 oz of turkey, some spinach that I wilted in coconut oil, and a green pepper. I really hate green peppers, but those bitches were on sale!
Lunch I had a fat bomb: 1 whole avocado with shredded, organic coconut on top, sprinkled with grass fed whey powder. Yes, I know. Whey is dairy, get over it. Then I had some chicken because my muscles were still hungry.
The workout today was as follows (all sets are 3X Fail, increase start weight each set)
Lat Pull Down
Seated Rows
Bent Over Rows
T Bar Rows
Single arm cable rows
Straight arm Pulldown
Can I just say, if you're not doing T-bar rows, your life isn't complete. On to the second part of the title.
I was reading a Facebook fan page that I'm no longer allowed to comment on (long story), and it was talking about women bringing in their abs. There were literally over four hundred comments from women striving for chiseled abs. I used to be one of these women. As I said a couple of days ago, who doesn't want the "perfect" body? Here's why I've decided I would rather be sturdy than chiseled.
Form follows function. We hear and say that all of the time (in the lifting world anyway). Having a shredded six pack, while aesthetically pleasing, means that your body fat is incredibly low. Awesome for you, awful for performance. Physique competitors bring in their abs by almost starving themselves, depleting carbs and water, and losing a lot of strength. I know because I used to do this.
Since I put on weight, my lifting capacity has more than doubled for almost all of my lifts. Sure, I'm not quite used to the fact that my size 0's no longer go over my quads, let alone my calves, but I think it's for the better. My squat weight has increased almost 100 pounds, and I can't say that makes me sad. Instead of worrying about how "cut" or "jacked" I look, I'd much rather be able to lift heavy things. That being said, if a six pack is your thing, go for it.
I think this article sums it up best. I'm a huge fan of this page, and this guy ( Paul Nobles) knows his stuff. Poke around on his page!
http://eattoperform.com/2013/03/01/why-athletes-shouldnt-aspire-to-be-shredded/
Have a great weekend, and stay strong!
Today's workout was my second favorite: back day! I'm working on being built like a trapezoid. I've been mindful eating for a while, something like two years, so I know what my body needs and when it needs it. On lifting days where I focus on biceps, triceps, and shoulders, I don't require extra calories or carbohydrates because really, those lifts don't tax me too much. However, on back days and leg days, the only thing I want to do is eat. Mind you, I stop eating when I'm full, but if it's not a perfect two hours from when I last ate, I don't care. Let food be thy medicine, ya know?
For breakfast I had an organic, free range egg with 3 oz of turkey, some spinach that I wilted in coconut oil, and a green pepper. I really hate green peppers, but those bitches were on sale!
Lunch I had a fat bomb: 1 whole avocado with shredded, organic coconut on top, sprinkled with grass fed whey powder. Yes, I know. Whey is dairy, get over it. Then I had some chicken because my muscles were still hungry.
The workout today was as follows (all sets are 3X Fail, increase start weight each set)
Lat Pull Down
Seated Rows
Bent Over Rows
T Bar Rows
Single arm cable rows
Straight arm Pulldown
Can I just say, if you're not doing T-bar rows, your life isn't complete. On to the second part of the title.
I was reading a Facebook fan page that I'm no longer allowed to comment on (long story), and it was talking about women bringing in their abs. There were literally over four hundred comments from women striving for chiseled abs. I used to be one of these women. As I said a couple of days ago, who doesn't want the "perfect" body? Here's why I've decided I would rather be sturdy than chiseled.
Form follows function. We hear and say that all of the time (in the lifting world anyway). Having a shredded six pack, while aesthetically pleasing, means that your body fat is incredibly low. Awesome for you, awful for performance. Physique competitors bring in their abs by almost starving themselves, depleting carbs and water, and losing a lot of strength. I know because I used to do this.
Since I put on weight, my lifting capacity has more than doubled for almost all of my lifts. Sure, I'm not quite used to the fact that my size 0's no longer go over my quads, let alone my calves, but I think it's for the better. My squat weight has increased almost 100 pounds, and I can't say that makes me sad. Instead of worrying about how "cut" or "jacked" I look, I'd much rather be able to lift heavy things. That being said, if a six pack is your thing, go for it.
I think this article sums it up best. I'm a huge fan of this page, and this guy ( Paul Nobles) knows his stuff. Poke around on his page!
http://eattoperform.com/2013/03/01/why-athletes-shouldnt-aspire-to-be-shredded/
Have a great weekend, and stay strong!
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